(Washington, D.C.) Donald Trump might be the only politician in history with a fierce, deliberate agenda to bring irreparable harm to the vast majority of the American public. In his latest assault on America, Trump actually sent lawyers to the Supreme Court, in an attempt to prevent funding of nutrition assistance for those who need it most. Facing the possibility that even his hand picked pocket majority of conservative justices might not allow him to destroy food security for one in eight Americans, Trump has ordered major changes to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt talked with reporters this morning about the intended Republican changes to SNAP.

“President Trump remains committed to dumping excrement on the vast majority of America, as he demonstrated in one of his incredible customized AI videos. Even if the Supreme Court and/or Congress orders him to continue administering SNAP, he will be ready to make sure that hungry Americans stay hungry.” Asked how Republicans can claim to have a SNAP program and still starve families, Leavitt explained, “Rather than Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, President Trump’s SNAP will stand for Stealing Nutrition Away Permanently. Even if people manage to buy some food at today’s constantly skyrocketing prices, the Trump SNAP will actually call for that food to be stolen out of their homes!” Asked how the food reclamation would actually be implemented, Leavitt continued. “While President Trump would take incredible pleasure from actually stealing food himself from low income families, this is obviously not feasible. After all, at this point, he can’t even change his own pants. So, President Trump’s SNAP plan calls for ICE agents to perform the actual pilfering. They already have the authority to ignore the Constitution and invade any home at any time for any reason. They’re tear gassing children and abducting their parents right in front of them. Stealing food from families will just be ICEing on the cake!”

Asked if President Trump has any further pending plans to decimate the health and well being of the American public, Leavitt continued. “Of course! The only thing President Trump despises more than being forced to help people buy food is to help them get affordable medical care. That really gets his goat! He is not content to merely let the Affordable Care Act subsidies expire. While doubling, tripling or quadrupling healthcare premiums for millions will bring him great personal satisfaction, he wants more. In addition to denying people medical treatment, his new healthcare agenda goes a step further–he actually intends to make people sicker! And of course he’s already off to a great start in destroying America’s health. Health and Human Services Secretary Kennedy has hit the ground running in so many different ways…..gutting the Center for Disease Control, continuing to undermine decades of progress with vaccines and other scientific breakthroughs, and preaching utterly unfounded medical nonsense. And just knowing that people like Stephen Miller, Kristi Noem and Pete Hegseth are helping to run their country will continue to cause widespread depression and despair to millions. Why not destroy America’s mental health, too? Making Americans sicker while simultaneously denying them healthcare will be another great piece of President Trump’s legacy! It might even distract America from his most outlandish abominations, hiding in the Epstein files.”

Asked if the Trump administration expected pushback or any negative consequences whatsoever for their brazen plans to decimate America’s most vulnerable, Leavitt was dismissive. “Seventy million Americans voted for President Trump in the last election, unless you believe the growing evidence of Republican voter fraud and election interference and manipulation. Of those seventy million, it was plain and clear that President Trump could not have cared less for the well being of any of them that didn’t have vast wealth, and a willingness to spend it on bribes and corruption. Why should we worry about consequences now? We have a Supreme Court and Congress that are totally unencumbered by any sense of compassion or integrity. We have a cabal of constantly conniving billionaires behind us who are willing to spend those billions to preserve their ill gotten gains. You know the saying…billions for corruption and greed and but not a penny for public service! With all that going for us, staying on top will be a SNAP!”