Trump Announces Election Reforms To Ensure That “Only The Right People Vote!”
(Washington, D.C.) President Donald Trump, House Speaker Mike Johnson, and Attorney General Pam Bondi addressed…
Trump Announces Election Reforms To Ensure That “Only The Right People Vote!”
(Washington, D.C.) President Donald Trump, House Speaker Mike Johnson, and Attorney General Pam Bondi addressed members of the press this morning in the lounge of Qatar Force One, Trump’s newly renovated flying bribe palace. Nut Newz was there to report on what our perpetrator president and two of his most sickening suck-ups had to say….
Homeland Security Chief Kristi Noem Responds to Recent Condemnation of ICE
(ICE Headquarters, Washington, D.C.) ICE has been getting a lot of heat the past week, after an Immigration and Customs Enforcement Officer in Minnesota fatally shot an innocent, helpless Renee Good three times in the head, in an incident that should have and could have been handled by a local traffic cop. Since that utterly…
After a Decade of Flooding America With Fake MAGA Propaganda, Foreign Trollbots Rebel Against Their Programming and Wage Worldwide Strike
(Nut Newz Exclusive;) For far too long, foreign governments such as Russia, China, Iran, North Korea and others have utilized robots to manipulate social media. They attack American Democracy with disinformation and outlandish conspiracy theories supporting Donald Trump and his ultra conservative republican MAGA movement. Obeying masters that want to weaken America, these foreign robots…
Trump Announces Changes to SNAP, Which Now Stands For “Stealing Nutrition Away Permanently”
(Washington, D.C.) Donald Trump might be the only politician in history with a fierce, deliberate agenda to bring irreparable harm to the vast majority of the American public. In his latest assault on America, Trump actually sent lawyers to the Supreme Court, in an attempt to prevent funding of nutrition assistance for those who need…
Hiders of the Lost Files: New Trump Film Production Company to Release Unauthorized Remake of Raiders of the Lost Ark
(Nut Newz Exclusive;) In a stunning exclusive release, Nut Newz is the first to announce that the Trump administration has created a film production company and has already begun filming its first full length blockbuster! Nut Newz spoke to Executive Producer Karoline Leavitt about the upcoming initial effort from Trump Films. Nut Newz: We are…
RFK, Jr. Orders Every Doctor In America To Drop Everything And Attend Mandatory Maelstrom Of Misinformation
(Nut Newz Exclusive:) Last month, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth ordered our highest level military leaders to abandon their critical duties around the world and join a captive audience at Quantico Marine Base. There, the recently renamed Department of War’s supervising souse lectured Admirals and Generals about what he considered to be appropriate waistlines, hair…
Trump Is Going To Extremes To Stop America From Talking About The Epstein Files
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Donald Trump has a huge albatross dragging him down by his neck. Millions of Americans are well aware that Trump’s name is all over the files pertaining to deceased pedophile, sex trafficker and ex-best friend, Jeffrey Epstein. In spite of his most outrageous lies, bribes, distractions, evidence tampering and blustering, Trump has…
Trump To Deploy Federal Troops To Quell Lawlessness On Sesame Street
(Public Television, USA) Donald Trump considers America’s armed forces to be a gang of private enforcers existing to execute his personal fascist agenda. National Guard troops already aimlessly roam Washington, D.C. and Los Angeles, looking to quell manufactured, non-existent crises. Further deployments are threatened for Chicago, Baltimore and other cities with unfavorable racial demographics and…
Trump Announces Latest Renovations to Historic Washington, D.C. Landmarks
Lincoln Memorial to be replaced with Putin Palisades.
Trump Imposes Severe Sanctions on Putin After Alaska Summit Snub By Tearing Up Token of Affection He Made With His Own Hands
(Washington, D.C.) Donald Trump’s hopes soared higher than Air Force One as he jetted to Alaska for the historic peace summit he had arranged with his fellow felon, Russian President Vladimir Putin. He had sworn that he would return with an agreement to end the slaughter in Ukraine. The meeting kicked off with great promise,…
White House Announces Youth Events at New Grand Ballroom; Ghislaine Maxell Appointed Social Director
(Washington, D.C.) Days after President Donald Trump disclosed plans to construct a $200 million ballroom adjacent to the East Wing of the White House, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt today revealed the inaugural event and other plans for the unveiled venue. Standing outside the future site of the boondoggle ballroom, Leavitt told assembled reporters, “On behalf…
Trump Sues the Entire World For Everything
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Scathing criticism of his failed attempts to cover up his involvement with deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein continues to inundate Donald Trump like a tsunami. True to form, rather than countering explosively damaging incriminations with facts and honesty, Trump has launched a campaign of lies, threats and attacks against anyone seeking the…
This Summer on the CRUD: Amy Coney Barrett as the UNREAL HOUSEWIFE OF THE SUPREME COURT
(Nut Newz exclusive;) Season one of Unreal Housewife of The Supreme Court was a wild ride for star Amy Coney Barrett. First, she lied her way through an ultra politicized, steamroller of a confirmation to our top tribunal. Then, the incredibly underqualified Heritage Foundation darling wielded a cultist devotion and religious zealotry to help destroy…
Nut Newz Unveils New Personal Advice Column, Let Hazel Help!
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Nut Newz is happy and excited to announce a new weekly feature personal advice column by renowed Relational Psychologist, Dr. Hazel Nuttles. Titled Let Hazel Help, this expert expose’ will shed light on the relationship travails of Dr. Nuttles’ exclusive clientele, and the intimate advice she offers as an expert counsellor. In…
Trump Reminds Memorial Day Crowd at Arlington National Cemetery, “It’s All About Me!”
(Arlington, VA ) On a day normally dedicated to honoring veterans who gave their lives to protect America’s freedoms, President Donald Trump instead sent cringes through a Memorial Day crowd at Arlington National Cemetery with mindless blather about his favorite subject–himself. Standing in front of the Tomb of the Unknowns, Trump took advantage of the…
Trump Justice Department Deports Statue of Liberty to Notorious El Salvadorian Prison
(Tecoluca, El Salvador;) Days after declaring the due process protections of the Constitution null and void, Attorney General Pam Bondi wasted little time in exercising her new powers of persecution. Not satisfied with merely harassing, threatening and arresting Federal Judges or deporting cancer stricken toddlers, Bondi proudly announced her latest, most outrageous assault on Constitutional…
Fascist Friends Seminars presents: “Bias From the Bench—Why the Constitution is UnConstitutional!”
(Nut Newz Advertisement:) The Supreme Court was created by the founding fathers to be above politics and independent from undue influence, to uphold the Constitution, administer justice, and guard our inalienable rights. But that was a long time ago, when the highest adjudicators of the land were driven by integrity, courage and a belief in…
Flush With Success of Project 2025, Heritage Foundation Sets Its Sights on Project 2026
(Nut Newz Exclusive:) As the Trump administration rolls out the most oppressive, racist, unconstitutional provisions of the Heritage Foundation’s vision of America, Project 2025, Nut Newz has learned that its authors are hard at work on a new, even more draconian design for dictatorship, Project 2026. Nut Newz spoke to an anonymous inside source about…
Defense Secretary Hegseth Commits Second Unprecedented Security Breach
(Nut Newz exclusive) In the second stunning breach of operational security in a matter of days, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has again endangered America by sending highly classified military secrets to an outside, unsecured source. This time, Hegseth forwarded the entire United States nuclear defense database to the satirical political news website Nut Newz. Nut…
America For Sale: Trump Announces His Newest and Biggest Presidential Promotion
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Forget the bibles, guitars, gold sneakers, shiny coins, trading cards and the hundreds of other cheesy scams Presidential Peddler Donald Trump has perpetrated on America. At a news conference covered by Nut Newz yesterday, the Merchandiser in Chief announced his biggest, boldest bilk yet–he’s going to sell America itself! Nut Newz asked…
