(Washington, D.C.) Days after President Donald Trump disclosed plans to construct a $200 million ballroom adjacent to the East Wing of the White House, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt today revealed the inaugural event and other plans for the unveiled venue.
Standing outside the future site of the boondoggle ballroom, Leavitt told assembled reporters, “On behalf of President Trump, I am proud to announce a series of White House sponsored youth events. Our president is very aware of the difficulties facing the youth of America, especially attractive, teenage females. He is dedicated to being personally involved with any opportunity to interact with these young people, under the most intimate, personal settings. His history is replete with examples of his direct interest in assisting young women, even to the point of providing personal oversight of teen beauty pageant dressing rooms. He feels that he and many of his influential male friends have much to offer the young female demographic. To that end, he is planning a series of youth dances and social soirees at the new White House ballroom, where teenage women will be given the invaluable opportunity to learn from older, wiser men.”
Leavitt continued, “We are also very excited to announce that these events, including the guest lists, will be coordinated by our new White House Social Director, none other than Ghislaine Maxell. Nobody is more qualified and experienced in planning get togethers involving older male clients with repulsive morals, and young women.” Asked how Maxwell, a convict currently serving time in federal prison is available to assume a White House post, Leavitt explained, “The Justice Department has met extensively with Ms. Maxwell. We have received assurances from her that she will be offering no damaging testimony about President Trump’s past pedophilic practices. Based on her expected cooperation, she qualifies for a personalized, progressive work release program designed specifically for her unique situation. She has already been moved to a minimum security facility where she will be receiving much more preferential treatment. As long as her memory remains selective about President Trump’s past behaviors, she will continue to serve in this important role on the White House staff.”
Asked if Maxwell’s conviction for child sex trafficking raised any concerns over her hosting youth parties at the While House, Leavitt explained, “For some reason, questions and criticism have arisen over President Trump’s handling of the Jeffery Epstein files. Why can’t people understand that these files cannot be released and/or do not exist? So what if the files were apparently on Attorney General Bondi’s desk in February, FBI agents spent months redacting President Trump’s name from them, and numerous sources document his close relationship with Jeffrey Epstein and past sexual assaults? That doesn’t mean he did anything wrong. The president is desperate to deflect attention away from this disgusting scandal. Coerced testimony from Ms. Maxwell might be his last hope. President Trump has stated multiple times that he has the authority to pardon her. If she helps him out of this Epstein mess, she will deserve some reward. Once she is pardoned, she will no longer be a convicted sex trafficker, which will eliminate concerns about her felonious past.”
So stay tuned, America, for more updates on President Trump’s ongoing efforts to despoil the history of the White House and presidency, with his own tasteless, nauseating legacy. He has already paved the natural, revered beauty of the White House rose garden, into a concrete slab more akin to a Wal Mart parking lot. Now, he plans to turn the White House into Mar-a-Lago North, with a garish, monstrous ballroom that will dwarf the original structure, and destroy the architectural and historical integrity of one our nation’s most iconic symbols. What comes next is anyone’s guess, but no doubt, many more outlandish atrocities are yet to come.
