(Public Television, USA) Donald Trump considers America’s armed forces to be a gang of private enforcers existing to execute his personal fascist agenda. National Guard troops already aimlessly roam Washington, D.C. and Los Angeles, looking to quell manufactured, non-existent crises. Further deployments are threatened for Chicago, Baltimore and other cities with unfavorable racial demographics and political leanings. Today President Trump announced his latest plans for another military incursion against domestic political enemies. Citing a perceived rampage of rampant, dangerous, militant activities, Trump today told reporters assembled on the set of the legendary public television show that he plans to send federal troops to occupy Sesame Street!
Asked why he felt the need to send federal storm troopers into a children’s educational program, Trump explained, “My overriding goal is to protect America. By sending troops into democratically governed cities, I am already taking steps to keep rabble rousers from protesting against being totally oppressed by billionaire, racist rulers. But there is no greater threat to my vision of America than education! It’s hard enough for a senile, would be dictator with a history of sexual assault and multiple felony convictions, to maintain control. Encouraging independent thought, empathy, compassion and learning just makes it that much more difficult. And attacking and defunding liberal colleges isn’t enough. We have to start earlier, and stamp out education in children as well. I’ve already defunded public television, but programs like Sesame Street continue to flood our children with subversive ideas. If I’m going to have any chance of keeping the American public an indoctrinated mob of compliant, uneducated sheep, I have no choice but to send in the troops.”
Trump continued, “Clearly, one of fascism’s most effective weapons is to enflame racial tensions. White people must be continually reminded that people with different skin pigmentation want to take over. And look at the different colors of those people running around on Sesame Street….blue, yellow, purple, red….there isn’t a white face in sight. We have to keep these weirdos in line. I will say, though, there is one character I can relate to. That Ernie dude is a great shade of unnatural orange. I like him. We’ll have to get him some kind of a cushy civilian position.”
Some of the residents of Sesame Street were understandably concerned by the imminent invasion. Oscar the Grouch noted that, “Just like in D.C. and L.A., there’s no riots breaking out, and crime is actually at an all time low. These bozos aren’t going to have anything to do, so they’ll be sweeping the streets, shooting the bull with each other, and other made up grunt work to look busy. But if they try and mess with my garbage can, there’s going to be trouble.” The cookie monster related that he has already had a run in with one of the federal flunkies. “Me just wanted to share my cookies with soldier. I tossed him an Oreo, but he missed it and it hit him in the chest. Him started screaming and chasing me down the street trying to arrest me. If Big Bird hadn’t stuck out his leg and tripped him, me would be deported by now.”
The Count also relayed some major concerns. “Counting is my thing. But with Trump sticking his nose into our business, there might too much counting to keep track of, Ah! Ah! Ah! Counting Trump’s felony convictions will be hard enough. But if I try to count the ways he’s the most disgusting person on Earth, the number of crimes he’s actually committed, the amount of money he’s stolen, or the women he’s assaulted, I won’t even be able to scratch the surface!”
In one last comment, President Trump summed up his motivations for doing all he can to destroy education in America. “My followers hate anyone they think knows more than they do or is too smart. They attack things they don’t understand. It’s so much easier to make up and believe bullshit than to learn facts or to think for themselves. Most of them have no problem blindly obeying a lying, brain dead pedophile if he gives them something to hate and fear. That’s all America needs to know, and anyone who tries to teach them anything else has to go!”
