(Nut Newz Exclusive) Scathing criticism of his failed attempts to cover up his involvement with deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein continues to inundate Donald Trump like a tsunami. True to form, rather than countering explosively damaging incriminations with facts and honesty, Trump has launched a campaign of lies, threats and attacks against anyone seeking the truth about his pedophilic past. To nobody’s surprise, the attacks include liberal misuse of the legal system, in the form of spurious lawsuits. Not satisfied with his utterly unfounded $10 billion lawsuit against the Wall Street Journal, Trump’s most recent attempt at legal larceny exceeds even his most deluded past demands. Based on the proposition that it is utterly unacceptable to question, thwart or challenge his magnificence in any way, Trump has filed a lawsuit against the entire World, calling for damages of “everything on the face of the Earth.”
Speaking at a news conference at Mar-a-Lago today, Trump explained his rationale for suing everyone on Earth. “People must realize that I can do anything, at any time, with no accountability whatsoever. I have mocked people with disabilities, bragged about sexual assault, committed insurrection, fraud and treason, and broken every law imaginable, including being convicted on thirty-four felony counts, with no consequences whatsoever. But people refuse to shut up about this Epstein thing. I told the world I barely knew the man and that there was no evidence of my having any involvement with him. I told people that there were no files, client lists, or logs. I also told people that if there were files or logs with my name in them, they were faked by Obama and Biden. And why do people keep mentioning the proof that is already public? Haven’t you ever been photographed partying with someone multiple times, called them a great guy, and drawn a naked woman birthday poem, for someone you barely knew? But now this whole matter has gotten so out of hand that nobody in the world is in my corner, and I’m suing them all!”
Trump was then asked if it was truly necessary to sue the entire population of the planet Earth. What about his handpicked helper, Attorney General Pam Bondi, who has flailed away at several unsuccessful attempt to clear her beleaguered boss? “Pam has been of no help whatsoever. I gave her carte blanche to get me out of this–she was free to lie, destroy and alter evidence, make meaningless gestures about unobtainable, irrelevant grand jury testimony, or any other underhanded stunts she could think of to shut people up. But it just keeps getting worse!” What about people in remote areas of distant foreign lands, who might not know anything about your current scandal? “As I’ve always said, if you’re not with me, you’re against me. And right now, everyone is against me. Anyone who’s not in there lying or offering to take a fall for me is guilty, and I’m suing their ass!”
When asked if he had any concerns that such an action was totally unsupported by any existing laws or legal reasoning, Trump was dismissive. “I have made a very few strategic exceptions to the list of defendants named in my lawsuit. Specifically, the only people on the face of the Earth I am not suing are six strategically chosen members of the Supreme Court. As long as they stay on my side, I know full well that all of my legal issues will be resolved in my favor. They have already given me free reign to undo decades of rights, and immunity from any action I deem to take. They’ll find a way to clear me to sue everyone for everything. Maybe they’ll even say it’s an official action!”
So, no matter where you live, who you are, how old you are, or what you do, don’t be surprised when you receive notice that you are being sued by President Donald Trump, who, like McDonald’s, will be serving billions, only with lawsuits, rather than crappy, unhealthy food. Trump once famously said that he could shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose a single voter. Now Trump means to show that he can party with predators and sexually assault children, with the same incredible immunity!
