(Nut Newz exclusive;) Season one of Unreal Housewife of The Supreme Court was a wild ride for star Amy Coney Barrett. First, she lied her way through an ultra politicized, steamroller of a confirmation to our top tribunal. Then, the incredibly underqualified Heritage Foundation darling wielded a cultist devotion and religious zealotry to help destroy Roe vs. Wade, and fifty years of Constitutional protection of womens’ bodily autonomy. What can the Horrible Handmaid do for an encore? Come to Nut Newz’s CRUD Network this Summer for season two, to find out! Spoiler alert: Even more Constitutional protections will crumble as the Supreme Court hands more and more power to our favorite felonious fascist!
Discussing her upcoming agenda, the brainwashed barrister acknowledged that her devastating debut at the Supreme Court would be a tough act to follow. “We destroyed one of the most important, influential Supreme Court decisions ever, while restoring pregnant women to the role of disenfranchised fetus incubators. What could top that? How about handing unlimited power to a would be dictator, and destroying democracy?” Justice Coney Barret says she took particular pleasure in misleading the American public into hoping she might have some principles and courage, before crushing those hopes. “I thought it would be funny to let people think I had some integrity, by deciding against President Trump on a couple of insignificant issues and handing him some early minor setbacks. Did they really think the person whose primary goal in life is to subjugate women, had suddenly seen the light? So when President Trump decided to end birthright citizenship, even though it is specifically established in the Constitution, it was time to show my true colors. I was honored to author a decision precluding federal judges from protecting our rights, and giving a convicted felon free reign! Never mind that there was no legal precedent supporting my findings, and that I betrayed an entire nation. When you’re part of an immovable, corrupt, compromised majority, your biases and ultra conservative schemes come first!”
The first episode of season two features judicial unreal housewife cattiness at its very best, as Coney Barrett turns a major portion of a Supreme Court decision into a petty tantrum. Apparently, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson’s well reasoned, legally supported, spirited dissent touched a nerve with our arrogant adjudicator, who responded with a nonsensical personal attack on a fellow Supreme Court Justice. “How dare Justice Brown Jackson point out that the conservative majority had no legal authority whatsoever to strip federal judges of their power to reign in a dictatorial tyrant. Well I showed her. Now she knows that any future attempts to question our sycophantic devotion to President Trump will be met with an unprofessional, snarky, embarrassing response that is totally unbecoming of the highest court in the land.”
So if you want to watch American democracy dissolve at the hands of a once respected, conscientious, ethical high court, tune in this Summer, America, for season two of Unreal Housewife of The Supreme Court. It’s the show that reminds us that we have the greatest Supreme Court money can buy, and when integrity and courage collapse, justice and democracy follow!
