Are you a Federal Judge who doesn’t mind tipping Constitutional construction towards the needs of your conservative billionaire friends, as long as they show their appreciation? Are you plagued by annoying news stories and alleged ethical violations? Do you need a way to finance your High Court hijinks without all the public scrutiny? Then BenchBribe Business might be just what you’re looking for!

Designed specifically for ethically challenged adjudicators, BenchBribe allows enterprising judicial jet setters world class solutions to all of their bribery needs. Just ask new BenchBribe member Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. “Even a Supreme Court Justice has a right to pick their friends. What’s the problem if my friends happen to be exceptionally wealthy and generous?” Thomas asked. “But as troublesome judicial ethics inquiries increase, I realize I need a way to receive financial inducements with much more privacy. As an independently operated data controller, BenchBribe offers multiple levels of privacy protections that protect illicit kickbacks from the prying public. If you’re a Federal Judge looking to enhance your income without encountering ethical conundrums, BenchBribe is the tool for you!”