Following its recent report that President Biden has been mentally slipping in closed door meetings, the Wall Street Journal has released an outlandish new claim. Journal Spokesperson Ima Fraud told Nut Newz that the Rupert Murdoch-owned publication has received reports from highly regarded, nameless Republican sources, claiming that Biden is actually a reanimated Egyptian mummy! “While Republican and foreign propaganda has been questioning President Biden’s mental fitness for a long time, the Journal is taking it to a whole new level!” Fraud said.

When asked to confirm the Journal’s reporting, Ms. Fraud responded, “Multiple anonymous Republican sources can’t be wrong. Who could be in a better position to smear the President’s political campaign with false claims, than his own political enemies?” Asked when the Journal would start reporting on the well-documented and publicly displayed cognitive decline of Donald Trump, Ms. Fraud responded, “The same sources who tell us that President Biden is an ancient corpse tell us that Mr. Trump is a vibrant, commanding genius. That’s good enough for us!” While the Wall Street Journal was once a bastion of unbiased political reporting and journalistic integrity, some good things have obviously come to an end!