The last week has not been kind to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. He faces a new, energetic opponent that has generated massive unity and excitement while intensifying attention on his own advanced age, faltering mental faculties and authoritarian ambitions. His running mate has angered and offended millions while expressing disturbing romantic interests in couches and dolphins. Reeling from these recent setbacks, Donald Trump has hired a new campaign manager. Surprisingly, the new driving force behind his revamped campaign strategy comes not from the political, but rather the medical field. In an exclusive interview, Nutnewz talks to Donald Trump’s new campaign manager, Proctologist Enos Prober.

Nutnewz: Why would Donald Trump pick a proctologist, rather than someone with more political expertise, to manage his campaign?

Prober: Donald Trump and the Republicans have literally nothing to offer the vast majority of American people in terms of policies or ideas. Only brainwashed cultists, religious zealots, elitist billionaires and foreign enemy dictators could possibly support the oppression, hostility and hatred the Republicans plan for American. With nothing of substance to benefit the American public, President Trump will need to fall back on his most trusted, reliable, natural characteristics—misogyny, racism, elitism, anger, lies, threats, retribution and corruption. In short, he plans to do what he always does, only moreso—act like an asshole! Who better to help him reach new heights of anal anarchy than a proctologist? My experience dealing with excrement spewing orifices is just what the Trump campaign needs to pull this election out of his ass!

Nutnewz: Thank you Dr. Prober. America will be waiting anxiously to see Donald Trump find even more horrible, disgusting ways to make an ass of himself!