Officials for the upcoming Democratic National Convention have announced a surprising new keynote speaker—none other than former president Donald Trump! While Trump might seem like an unlikely speaker at an event showcasing prominent democratic lawmakers, Convention Chairperson Lotta Prattle told Nut Newz that adding Trump as a speaker makes perfect sense.

“Who has done more to promote the message of the Democratic Party than Donald Trump?” said Prattle. “Every time he speaks he reminds America of the horrors of another Trump presidency and the good things Vice President Harris offers to America, such as health insurance for everyone and an end to corporate price gouging! He can also speak to democrat intentions to protect womens’ rights and democracy, and other policies that benefit Americans but he and his party despise. We also expect Mr. Trump to entertain us with his inventive flair for fantasy and absurdity. As he has recently regaled America with tales of inflationary Tic Tacs, electric sharks and questionable ethnic origins, we look forward to new and even more fantastic, bizarre ramblings.”

Asked about concerns that Trump might duplicate the 90-minute nonsensical blather he spewed at the Republican convention, Prattle said that she and DNC officials have plans to keep Trump’s speech within its allotted time. “We have pre-ordered five dozen McDonald’s cheeseburgers, and will serve them backstage when Trump’s time is up. If that doesn’t get him off the stage, we will send Vice President Harris out to challenge him to an impromptu debate. That will definitely send him running!”