FANTASYLAND, USA: In a new poll recently conducted by CNN (Conservative Nonsense Network), 55% of polled Americans now say they see Donald Trump’s presidency as a success. Some of the reasons given for the support of Trump’s presidency include his handing of the COVID pandemic, with several poll participants noting appreciation for learning new uses for bleach, while others pointed out that the hundreds of thousands of needless deaths due to Trump’s inaction and misinformation, “left more stuff for the rest of us.” Other poll participants attributed their favorable views of Trump’s presidency to the enthusiasm he showed for his position. Said one poll subject, “Most presidents just leave office when their term is over. President Trump’s desire to serve America was so great, he attempted to overthrow our democracy to continue that service. If he becomes president again he’ll never leave. You just don’t see that kind of dedication any more!”

The CNN poll was conducted among a sampling of seven adults drawn from a fantasy-based panel of individuals who had nothing better to do than spout ridiculous drivel to biased interviewers. When polled on other events in American history, 87% of respondents voiced favorable impressions of the Titanic and Hindenburg disasters (“Look at the great movies that were made about them”), while 91% expressed favorable opinions of the Mt. St. Helens volcano eruption (“the best fireworks ever”)! CNN Chief Polling Executive Xavier V. Sellout noted that his network will continue to spew ridiculous poll results, with the aim of re-writing history favorably to his network’s new conservative ownership. “Truth and honesty are nice,” noted Sellout, “but it’s the corporate profits that really matter!”