Health officials at the CDC have declared an epidemic corresponding to ongoing election results. Researchers have determined the only explanation why someone would vote for Donald Trump in 2024, is due to viral infection. Symptoms of the MAGA-24 virus include dissociation from reality, rampant bigotry, and self destructive behavior.

Autopsy results show evidence of brain tissue being washed excessively. Anecdotes suggest unlicensed doctors attempted to inject a mixture of bleach and Red Dye 40 directly into patients skulls to alleviate symptoms, further impairing diminished mental capacity.

The CDC advises repeated self-coitus as the inevitable decline sets in. RFK Jr’s brain worm to lead efforts to maximize spread.