Convicted Felon Donald Trump laughs at his own joke on an empty debate stage

ATLANTA — While the official date for the debate between President Joe Biden and Donald Trump is set for next Thursday, June 27th, the studio received an unexpected guest a week early. Mr. Trump, recently convicted of 34 felonies, took so much Adderall last night that he thought a week had passed in only a few hours. He demanded to be taken to the CNN studio, but the McDonald’s staff informed him that he would need to find a taxi to take him there.

When he arrived at the studio, he pushed passed Wolf Blitzer calling him “old man” even though the news anchor is a few years younger than him. Several people attempted to explain that he was early to the event. Trump made a jerk off motion and shuffled towards the debate stage. “I guess Sleepy Joe is going to miss the debate. I got here first and I am full of…” Trump winced at the smell of his rapidly filling diaper, “full of energy and something like integrity.”

After staring blankly into the distance for several minutes, an intern politely informed Trump that the teleprompter wasn’t going to be turned on. Trump responded, “Make American Debate Again? Sad. Biden didn’t even show up. This rigged debate is over. I was here first. I win.” When asked if he would return next week at the actual scheduled date, he shrugged and demanded to be taken back to McDonald’s.