McDonald’s turned away the former Celebrity Apprentice host due to their policy requiring footwear

NEW ORLEANS – After spending the last few days lowering expectations for his upcoming debate with President Biden, convicted felon Donald Trump has starting showing signs of weariness. Those closest to him have expressed concerns regarding a new habit. “[Trump] said his feet were getting cold, literally, so now he is walking barefoot during this fucking heatwave,” explained campaign advisor Richard Ryder. “I won’t even walk my dog in this weather, but this bitch doesn’t seem to mind.”

The former billionaire admitted that he thought if he could prove his feet were actually cold, that he wouldn’t have to appear at the debate. Preparing for Thursday, he has been put through repetitive motions with a master debater that has come to the conclusion that Trump cannot continue with a scorched Earth approach. “He is just screaming incoherently because of the second degree burns on his feet,” Cohen College Prep Debate Team President Tip Tobin described Trump’s progress, “At least today was a noticeable improvement.”