Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito gavels a For Sale sign into the Court’s lawn awaiting eager buyers

With no semblance of impartiality in sight, the Supreme Court conservative majority has ruled the Court building as an asset that can now be sold by the Justices citing the landmark case “Finders v. Keepers.” Even the generosity of billionaires and corporations has not satisfied the Court’s greed. “Ginni keeps leaving RV Lifestyle magazine ads for the 2025 Uber Land Yacht around the house, so I know what she wants for Christmas this year,” said a giddy Clarence Thomas.

The Zillow listing shows a list price of $244.4 million for the 1935 building. The Justice statue in the grand plaza has already been sold to pay for realtor fees, while the Italian marble columns are still being inspected prior to the open house. Local DC inspector Rufus Aflame explained, “These are load bearing columns, and since the foundations of the Judicial branch have been so shaky, we’re concerned the whole thing might collapse.”