Needing to find a way to energize his base, President Joe Biden made an executive order adding himself to the 2024 Lollapalooza lineup. “Secret Service just showed up to my house and told me that the President will be performing at the festival this year,” explained Lollapalooza founder Perry Farrell. Celebrating it’s 20th anniversary in Chicago, the 4-day festival will feature SZA, Blink-182, The Killers, Hoizer, and a special late night set on Saturday with Skrillex in early August.

After President Biden announced he will no longer schedule events after 8 PM, some speculated that as a sign he is slowing down. We now know this was needed to prepare him for a back-to-back set with Skrillex next month. “When I heard that there was a disc jockey named Sonny, I just knew it would be the bee’s knees!” exclaimed the President. Sonny Moore, the artist professionally known as Skrillex was not available to comment.