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Defense Secretary Hegseth Commits Second Unprecedented Security Breach
(Nut Newz exclusive) In the second stunning breach of operational security in a matter of days, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has again endangered America by sending highly classified military secrets to an outside, unsecured source. This…
America For Sale: Trump Announces His Newest and Biggest Presidential Promotion
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Forget the bibles, guitars, gold sneakers, shiny coins, trading cards and the hundreds of other cheesy scams Presidential Peddler Donald Trump has perpetrated on America. At a news conference covered by Nut Newz…
Trump and Musk Unleash New Public Efficiency Scam
It started with DOGE. Under the guise of improving government efficiency, Donald Trump and Elon Musk seized access to critical government databases. Musk’s “engineers,” with no qualifications or security clearances and no legal or Constitutional authority,…
New Executive Agency to Replace Government Services With Payoffs to Billionaire Benefactors
In its latest move to unilaterally appropriate all government power, the Trump administration today announced the creation of a new executive department to be tasked with the control of all government revenue. Designated as the Department…
Opinion: Anyone Who Opposes What Donald Trump Wants To Do To America Is My Friend
In the movie Alien vs. Predator, the human hero finds herself trapped underground with a vicious alien xenomorph queen and an extraplanetary predator hunter. As she wonders how to deal with the horrid alternatives, a dying…
CDC Declares MAGA-24 Epidemic Over 70 Million Cases Confirmed
Health officials at the CDC have declared an epidemic corresponding to ongoing election results. Researchers have determined the only explanation why someone would vote for Donald Trump in 2024, is due to viral infection. Symptoms of…
Trump’s Latest Meltdown Was so Extreme He Actually Melted
It is no secret that the more Donald Trump’s mental faculties deteriorate, the more fantastical and unhinged his deranged rants become. In a recent harangue, the adjudicated and accused rapist and close associate of pedophile Jeffrey…
Musk and Kennedy Jr. Collaborate to Design Cybernetic Brain Worm To Rein In Out of Control Trump
As Donald Trump’s presidential campaign continues to flounder under the weight of his ongoing cognitive collapse, Republican Party officials have resorted to an outlandishly desperate attempt to control their candidate’s aberrant behavior. Nut Newz has learned…
Governor Ron DeSantis Quietly Removed from Florida by LGBTQ+ Community
After the Florida tourism website took down its LGBTQ-dedicated page, it was unclear why there is still a page featuring a man wearing high-heel boots. Upon further review, it appears that page is the “Letter from…
Donald Trump Added as Keynote Speaker at Democratic National Convention
Officials for the upcoming Democratic National Convention have announced a surprising new keynote speaker—none other than former president Donald Trump! While Trump might seem like an unlikely speaker at an event showcasing prominent democratic lawmakers, Convention…