Trump Hires New Campaign Manager to Help Him Act Like an Even Bigger Asshole
Donald Trump and his new campaign manager, Proctologist Enos Prober.
Fascist Influencer Chaya Raichik of LibsOfTikTok Has Died of Ligma
Known for acts of terrorism against the LGBT+ community, Chaya Raichik was admitted to Hadamar Hospital this morning with a swollen throat and a high fever. After she tested negative for strep throat her symptoms worsened. Additional blood tests found…
Editorial: Trump Loses Control of the Monster He Created
Like a modern day Dr. Frankenstein, Donald Trump lost control of the monster he created, and it almost destroyed him. Rather than stitching body parts together, Trump assembled a vast repertoire of hateful, racist, aggressive rhetoric that inspired countless acts…
Biden Added to Lollapalooza 2024 Lineup
Needing to find a way to energize his base, President Joe Biden made an executive order adding himself to the 2024 Lollapalooza lineup. “Secret Service just showed up to my house and told me that the President will be performing…
Congress Disconnects Phones Ahead of SCOTUS Ruling on Trump Immunity
Expecting an overwhelming wave of phone calls, the US Senate and House of Representatives have disconnected their phone lines accessible to the public. After the Supreme Court rolled back decades of precedent last week, Congressional offices were inundated with phone…
Debate Academy Advocates Unique New Approach to Persuasiveness!
Are you a politician looking to debate more effectively, without worrying about pesky, meaningless facts, logic and reason? Then the B.L.A.H. (Bullshit, Lies and Hooey) Academy of Debate might be just what you’re looking for! Liela Blather, B.L.A.H.’s Director of…
The Supreme Court Building Listed For Sale As Conservative Court Faces Moral Bankruptcy
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito gavels a For Sale sign into the Court’s lawn awaiting eager buyers With no semblance of impartiality in sight, the Supreme Court conservative majority has ruled the Court building as an asset that can now…
Trump Gets Cold Feet Ahead of Debate, Walks Barefoot on Scorched Earth
McDonald’s turned away the former Celebrity Apprentice host due to their policy requiring footwear NEW ORLEANS – After spending the last few days lowering expectations for his upcoming debate with President Biden, convicted felon Donald Trump has starting showing signs…
Supreme Court To Hear Case On Protections Of ‘Confederate’ Identity
WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court will hear several highly anticipated cases, including several on insurrection immunity for convicted felon Donald Trump and his supporters. One of the cases alleges that the participants in the January 6th Capitol Riots were within…
Trump shows up to debate Biden a week early, declares victory in empty room
Convicted Felon Donald Trump laughs at his own joke on an empty debate stage ATLANTA — While the official date for the debate between President Joe Biden and Donald Trump is set for next Thursday, June 27th, the studio received…
Wall Street Journal Says President Biden is Actually a Three Thousand Year Old Egyptian Mummy
Following its recent report that President Biden has been mentally slipping in closed door meetings, the Wall Street Journal has released an outlandish new claim. Journal Spokesperson Ima Fraud told Nut Newz that the Rupert Murdoch-owned publication has received reports…
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas Endorses BenchBribe as a Fast, Efficient, Private Way to Receive Perks from Billionaire Influencers
Are you a Federal Judge who doesn’t mind tipping Constitutional construction towards the needs of your conservative billionaire friends, as long as they show their appreciation? Are you plagued by annoying news stories and alleged ethical violations? Do you need…
Spurred on by Post-Conviction Support, Trump Plans Campaign Crime Spree!
The Orange Outlaw Gang (Nut Newz Exclusive) Republican lawmakers howl in outrage and campaign donations soar after Donald Trump’s thirty-four count felony conviction. According to a senior Trump political consultant, who spoke to Nut Newz on the condition of anonymity,…
Coming This Fall, Don’t Miss a New Season of Justice Wife Swap!
Fans of judicial mayhem, hang onto your robes and get ready for another season of Justice Wife Swap! Coming this fall, the new season opens with a banging gavel, as two of our ultraconservative, ethically challenged adjudicators, “Billionaire Buddy” Clarence…
Is America Sick and Tired of Democracy?
COUP FALLS — President Biden speaks earnestly of preserving democracy, and his approval ratings plummet. Donald Trump brags of being a dictator on day one, quotes Hitler, and surges in the polls. While it may seem fantastic and impossible that…
As Biden cancels more student debt, Republican governors literally steamroll public institutions
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis seen gleefully steamrolling iconic Florida State University Westcott Fountain As President Biden announced an additional $7.7 billion in student loan forgiveness, Republican governors across the country fume over poor voters breaking free from crippling debt. This…
Most Americans Now Say Trump’s Presidency Was A Success!
FANTASYLAND, USA: In a new poll recently conducted by CNN (Conservative Nonsense Network), 55% of polled Americans now say they see Donald Trump’s presidency as a success. Some of the reasons given for the support of Trump’s presidency include his…
Russian Intelligence Officials Announce Breakthrough In War Against American Election Integrity
MOSCOW — Igor Trollstoy, head of the Russian Department of American Election Manipulation, today announced a major new breakthrough in Russia’s efforts to manipulate and undermine the upcoming 2024 American elections. Codenamed Robotroll, the robotic lie spreader will be a…
Millionaire Donald Trump is trying to sell ‘God Bless the USA’ Bibles for $69 as RNC and Russian funds dry up
“Holy Shit! Let’s Make America Pray Again. Pray for my broke ass as we head into Good Friday and Easter, I beg you to buy a copy, or two, of the God Bless the USA Bible,” Trump wrote. Trump released…