In the movie Alien vs. Predator, the human hero finds herself trapped underground with a vicious alien xenomorph queen and an extraplanetary predator hunter. As she wonders how to deal with the horrid alternatives, a dying…

Health officials at the CDC have declared an epidemic corresponding to ongoing election results. Researchers have determined the only explanation why someone would vote for Donald Trump in 2024, is due to viral infection. Symptoms of…

It is no secret that the more Donald Trump’s mental faculties deteriorate, the more fantastical and unhinged his deranged rants become. In a recent harangue, the adjudicated and accused rapist and close associate of pedophile Jeffrey…

As Donald Trump’s presidential campaign continues to flounder under the weight of his ongoing cognitive collapse, Republican Party officials have resorted to an outlandishly desperate attempt to control their candidate’s aberrant behavior. Nut Newz has learned…

After the Florida tourism website took down its LGBTQ-dedicated page, it was unclear why there is still a page featuring a man wearing high-heel boots. Upon further review, it appears that page is the “Letter from…

Officials for the upcoming Democratic National Convention have announced a surprising new keynote speaker—none other than former president Donald Trump! While Trump might seem like an unlikely speaker at an event showcasing prominent democratic lawmakers, Convention…

Donald Trump and his new campaign manager, Proctologist Enos Prober.

Known for acts of terrorism against the LGBT+ community, Chaya Raichik was admitted to Hadamar Hospital this morning with a swollen throat and a high fever. After she tested negative for strep throat her symptoms worsened.…

Like a modern day Dr. Frankenstein, Donald Trump lost control of the monster he created, and it almost destroyed him. Rather than stitching body parts together, Trump assembled a vast repertoire of hateful, racist, aggressive rhetoric…

Needing to find a way to energize his base, President Joe Biden made an executive order adding himself to the 2024 Lollapalooza lineup. “Secret Service just showed up to my house and told me that the…

Expecting an overwhelming wave of phone calls, the US Senate and House of Representatives have disconnected their phone lines accessible to the public. After the Supreme Court rolled back decades of precedent last week, Congressional offices…

Are you a politician looking to debate more effectively, without worrying about pesky, meaningless facts, logic and reason? Then the B.L.A.H. (Bullshit, Lies and Hooey) Academy of Debate might be just what you’re looking for! Liela…

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito gavels a For Sale sign into the Court’s lawn awaiting eager buyers With no semblance of impartiality in sight, the Supreme Court conservative majority has ruled the Court building as an…

McDonald’s turned away the former Celebrity Apprentice host due to their policy requiring footwear NEW ORLEANS – After spending the last few days lowering expectations for his upcoming debate with President Biden, convicted felon Donald Trump…

WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court will hear several highly anticipated cases, including several on insurrection immunity for convicted felon Donald Trump and his supporters. One of the cases alleges that the participants in the January 6th…

Convicted Felon Donald Trump laughs at his own joke on an empty debate stage ATLANTA — While the official date for the debate between President Joe Biden and Donald Trump is set for next Thursday, June…

Following its recent report that President Biden has been mentally slipping in closed door meetings, the Wall Street Journal has released an outlandish new claim. Journal Spokesperson Ima Fraud told Nut Newz that the Rupert Murdoch-owned…

Are you a Federal Judge who doesn’t mind tipping Constitutional construction towards the needs of your conservative billionaire friends, as long as they show their appreciation? Are you plagued by annoying news stories and alleged ethical…

The Orange Outlaw Gang (Nut Newz Exclusive) Republican lawmakers howl in outrage and campaign donations soar after Donald Trump’s thirty-four count felony conviction. According to a senior Trump political consultant, who spoke to Nut Newz on…

Fans of judicial mayhem, hang onto your robes and get ready for another season of Justice Wife Swap! Coming this fall, the new season opens with a banging gavel, as two of our ultraconservative, ethically challenged…

COUP FALLS — President Biden speaks earnestly of preserving democracy, and his approval ratings plummet. Donald Trump brags of being a dictator on day one, quotes Hitler, and surges in the polls. While it may seem…

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis seen gleefully steamrolling iconic Florida State University Westcott Fountain As President Biden announced an additional $7.7 billion in student loan forgiveness, Republican governors across the country fume over poor voters breaking free…