(Nut Newz Exclusive:) As the Trump administration rolls out the most oppressive, racist, unconstitutional provisions of the Heritage Foundation’s vision of America, Project 2025, Nut Newz has learned that its authors are hard at work on a new, even more draconian design for dictatorship, Project 2026. Nut Newz spoke to an anonymous inside source about…
FANTASYLAND, USA: In a new poll recently conducted by CNN (Conservative Nonsense Network), 55% of polled Americans now say they see Donald Trump’s presidency as a success. Some of the reasons given for the support of Trump’s presidency include his handing of the COVID pandemic, with several poll participants noting appreciation for learning new uses…
It started with DOGE. Under the guise of improving government efficiency, Donald Trump and Elon Musk seized access to critical government databases. Musk’s “engineers,” with no qualifications or security clearances and no legal or Constitutional authority, gained access to nuclear oversight information and huge swathes of the national treasury. Efforts are under way to gut…
Donald Trump and his new campaign manager, Proctologist Enos Prober.
In the movie Alien vs. Predator, the human hero finds herself trapped underground with a vicious alien xenomorph queen and an extraplanetary predator hunter. As she wonders how to deal with the horrid alternatives, a dying colleague tells her that, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” She realizes that, while the Predator is…
Following its recent report that President Biden has been mentally slipping in closed door meetings, the Wall Street Journal has released an outlandish new claim. Journal Spokesperson Ima Fraud told Nut Newz that the Rupert Murdoch-owned publication has received reports from highly regarded, nameless Republican sources, claiming that Biden is actually a reanimated Egyptian mummy!…
(Washington, D.C.) Days after President Donald Trump disclosed plans to construct a $200 million ballroom adjacent to the East Wing of the White House, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt today revealed the inaugural event and other plans for the unveiled venue. Standing outside the future site of the boondoggle ballroom, Leavitt told assembled reporters, “On behalf…
MOSCOW — Igor Trollstoy, head of the Russian Department of American Election Manipulation, today announced a major new breakthrough in Russia’s efforts to manipulate and undermine the upcoming 2024 American elections. Codenamed Robotroll, the robotic lie spreader will be a powerful new source of election meddling, using easily manipulated social media platforms to swamp American…
Needing to find a way to energize his base, President Joe Biden made an executive order adding himself to the 2024 Lollapalooza lineup. “Secret Service just showed up to my house and told me that the President will be performing at the festival this year,” explained Lollapalooza founder Perry Farrell. Celebrating it’s 20th anniversary in…
(Washington, D.C.) President Donald Trump, House Speaker Mike Johnson, and Attorney General Pam Bondi addressed members of the press this morning in the lounge of Qatar Force One, Trump’s newly renovated flying bribe palace. Nut Newz was there to report on what our perpetrator president and two of his most sickening suck-ups had to say….
(Arlington, VA ) On a day normally dedicated to honoring veterans who gave their lives to protect America’s freedoms, President Donald Trump instead sent cringes through a Memorial Day crowd at Arlington National Cemetery with mindless blather about his favorite subject–himself. Standing in front of the Tomb of the Unknowns, Trump took advantage of the…
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito gavels a For Sale sign into the Court’s lawn awaiting eager buyers With no semblance of impartiality in sight, the Supreme Court conservative majority has ruled the Court building as an asset that can now be sold by the Justices citing the landmark case “Finders v. Keepers.” Even the generosity…
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis seen gleefully steamrolling iconic Florida State University Westcott Fountain As President Biden announced an additional $7.7 billion in student loan forgiveness, Republican governors across the country fume over poor voters breaking free from crippling debt. This morning in Texas, Governor Greg Abbott personally locked the door to the financial aid office…
In its latest move to unilaterally appropriate all government power, the Trump administration today announced the creation of a new executive department to be tasked with the control of all government revenue. Designated as the Department of Billionaires Against Government Services (D-BAGS), this new bureau of billionaire bunco will vest control of all government funds…
Expecting an overwhelming wave of phone calls, the US Senate and House of Representatives have disconnected their phone lines accessible to the public. After the Supreme Court rolled back decades of precedent last week, Congressional offices were inundated with phone calls. Even more calls are were expected today regardless of the outcome for the ruling…
Are you a politician looking to debate more effectively, without worrying about pesky, meaningless facts, logic and reason? Then the B.L.A.H. (Bullshit, Lies and Hooey) Academy of Debate might be just what you’re looking for! Liela Blather, B.L.A.H.’s Director of Gibberish and Bluster, explained why the B.L.A.H. approach works so well. “Traditional debate tactics focus…
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Scathing criticism of his failed attempts to cover up his involvement with deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein continues to inundate Donald Trump like a tsunami. True to form, rather than countering explosively damaging incriminations with facts and honesty, Trump has launched a campaign of lies, threats and attacks against anyone seeking the…
“Holy Shit! Let’s Make America Pray Again. Pray for my broke ass as we head into Good Friday and Easter, I beg you to buy a copy, or two, of the God Bless the USA Bible,” Trump wrote. Trump released a video on his Truth Social platform on Tuesday inciting his supporters to buy the…
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Donald Trump has a huge albatross dragging him down by his neck. Millions of Americans are well aware that Trump’s name is all over the files pertaining to deceased pedophile, sex trafficker and ex-best friend, Jeffrey Epstein. In spite of his most outrageous lies, bribes, distractions, evidence tampering and blustering, Trump has…
