(Nut Newz exclusive) In the second stunning breach of operational security in a matter of days, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has again endangered America by sending highly classified military secrets to an outside, unsecured source. This time, Hegseth forwarded the entire United States nuclear defense database to the satirical political news website Nut Newz. Nut…
In the movie Alien vs. Predator, the human hero finds herself trapped underground with a vicious alien xenomorph queen and an extraplanetary predator hunter. As she wonders how to deal with the horrid alternatives, a dying colleague tells her that, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” She realizes that, while the Predator is…
(Nut Newz Exclusive:) Last month, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth ordered our highest level military leaders to abandon their critical duties around the world and join a captive audience at Quantico Marine Base. There, the recently renamed Department of War’s supervising souse lectured Admirals and Generals about what he considered to be appropriate waistlines, hair…
Health officials at the CDC have declared an epidemic corresponding to ongoing election results. Researchers have determined the only explanation why someone would vote for Donald Trump in 2024, is due to viral infection. Symptoms of the MAGA-24 virus include dissociation from reality, rampant bigotry, and self destructive behavior. Autopsy results show evidence of brain…
(Nut Newz Advertisement:) The Supreme Court was created by the founding fathers to be above politics and independent from undue influence, to uphold the Constitution, administer justice, and guard our inalienable rights. But that was a long time ago, when the highest adjudicators of the land were driven by integrity, courage and a belief in…
WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court will hear several highly anticipated cases, including several on insurrection immunity for convicted felon Donald Trump and his supporters. One of the cases alleges that the participants in the January 6th Capitol Riots were within their rights to freely express their Confederate identity. Supporters claim sedition it is their…
(ICE Headquarters, Washington, D.C.) ICE has been getting a lot of heat the past week, after an Immigration and Customs Enforcement Officer in Minnesota fatally shot an innocent, helpless Renee Good three times in the head, in an incident that should have and could have been handled by a local traffic cop. Since that utterly…
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito gavels a For Sale sign into the Court’s lawn awaiting eager buyers With no semblance of impartiality in sight, the Supreme Court conservative majority has ruled the Court building as an asset that can now be sold by the Justices citing the landmark case “Finders v. Keepers.” Even the generosity…
(Nut Newz Exclusive;) In a stunning exclusive release, Nut Newz is the first to announce that the Trump administration has created a film production company and has already begun filming its first full length blockbuster! Nut Newz spoke to Executive Producer Karoline Leavitt about the upcoming initial effort from Trump Films. Nut Newz: We are…
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Scathing criticism of his failed attempts to cover up his involvement with deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein continues to inundate Donald Trump like a tsunami. True to form, rather than countering explosively damaging incriminations with facts and honesty, Trump has launched a campaign of lies, threats and attacks against anyone seeking the…
(Nut Newz Exclusive) Nut Newz is happy and excited to announce a new weekly feature personal advice column by renowed Relational Psychologist, Dr. Hazel Nuttles. Titled Let Hazel Help, this expert expose’ will shed light on the relationship travails of Dr. Nuttles’ exclusive clientele, and the intimate advice she offers as an expert counsellor. In…
Needing to find a way to energize his base, President Joe Biden made an executive order adding himself to the 2024 Lollapalooza lineup. “Secret Service just showed up to my house and told me that the President will be performing at the festival this year,” explained Lollapalooza founder Perry Farrell. Celebrating it’s 20th anniversary in…
(Nut Newz Exclusive:) As the Trump administration rolls out the most oppressive, racist, unconstitutional provisions of the Heritage Foundation’s vision of America, Project 2025, Nut Newz has learned that its authors are hard at work on a new, even more draconian design for dictatorship, Project 2026. Nut Newz spoke to an anonymous inside source about…
Expecting an overwhelming wave of phone calls, the US Senate and House of Representatives have disconnected their phone lines accessible to the public. After the Supreme Court rolled back decades of precedent last week, Congressional offices were inundated with phone calls. Even more calls are were expected today regardless of the outcome for the ruling…
(Washington, D.C.) Days after President Donald Trump disclosed plans to construct a $200 million ballroom adjacent to the East Wing of the White House, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt today revealed the inaugural event and other plans for the unveiled venue. Standing outside the future site of the boondoggle ballroom, Leavitt told assembled reporters, “On behalf…
Officials for the upcoming Democratic National Convention have announced a surprising new keynote speaker—none other than former president Donald Trump! While Trump might seem like an unlikely speaker at an event showcasing prominent democratic lawmakers, Convention Chairperson Lotta Prattle told Nut Newz that adding Trump as a speaker makes perfect sense. “Who has done more…
Lincoln Memorial to be replaced with Putin Palisades.
Like a modern day Dr. Frankenstein, Donald Trump lost control of the monster he created, and it almost destroyed him. Rather than stitching body parts together, Trump assembled a vast repertoire of hateful, racist, aggressive rhetoric that inspired countless acts and threats of violence, that he has done absolutely nothing to dispel, nationwide. This climate…
After the Florida tourism website took down its LGBTQ-dedicated page, it was unclear why there is still a page featuring a man wearing high-heel boots. Upon further review, it appears that page is the “Letter from the Governor” featuring Ron DeSantis explaining the Loofa system for senior swingers. Outraged by the years of demeaning vitriol,…
